Why do we feel attracted to a celebrity or any famous person?
This is not an uncommon experience, especially with young people who may “crush” on their and their idol—a rock star, a movie star, sports star or another well-known public figure that they may admire. They are in the public eye—popular, rich, looking happy, surrounded by admiring fans. Wouldn’t most of us like that? Or wouldn’t we like to be with someone like that?
Surely we experience the charm that surrounds those who are considered to be “winning”, but there is another aspect that often takes an even greater value. Although it is an apparent paradox, one of the factors that most influence us to fall in love with a celebrity is his being unattainable or rather not only his being unattainable but his appearing to us as such.
“But how,” we ask ourselves, “do we dream of someone, imagine knowing him, and being close to him?” One of the aspects that nourish our passion is precisely the awareness, more or less unconscious, that we will never reach him.”
That sounds like it.
The feeling of being in love
The main reason why we fall in love with someone who is not a real presence in our life is the desire to experience the feeling of being in love but without exposing oneself too much. The reason may depend on several factors such as not wanting to risk rejection, or a previous disappointment, or fear of a too drastic change in our lives and habits.
This can depend on a certain insecurity that determines the fear of confronting another real person, for fear of not being accepted and having to face the realization of a failure. But it may also depend on the will to find someone who embodies our ideal, without undermining a balance that we have reached and that we consider satisfactory.
Our idols (https://theselfimprovementblog.com/self-improvement/featured/save-our-idols-and-the-ability-to-dream/) are the materialization of our ideals. In them we project our desires, what we would like to find and also something of what we would like to be. The result is a creation of our fantasy, someone who is only partially ideal and whom we use to satisfy a desire that cannot be fulfilled in reality. We try to give a face and a body to something of which we feel the need but which does not necessarily have to be real.
Often this creation of our imagination is enough for us to feel satisfied and satisfy our need to achieve what we believe to be our ideal and which, like all perfect things, does not exist in reality.
There are those who are satisfied with a middle way, with what is closest to their concept of ideal, and those who pursue it at the extreme, until they can create it. And it does not matter that it is not entirely real.
What psychology says
An explanation that the psychology gives to this kind of “impossible love” is the failure to overcome the childhood condition of alleged omnipotence. When we come up against reality and its impediments, a sort of obstinacy is triggered that pushes us to seek the satisfaction of our desires at any cost. The childlike side that still lives in us and that still feels almighty does not want to bend to the harsh laws of reality and feels an immense pleasure in challenging the impossible.
The myth of impossible love feeds on this very impossibility. If the myth were to confront itself with a real dimension it would no longer be a myth. The imaginary love with the celebrity does not have to come into existence. Making it real would mean depriving it of its charm, of the reason that gave him life, and would lead to its exhaustion.
What matters is the awareness that this kind of love must be lived in parallel to a real life, without isolating ourselves and without replacing real relationships with real people who are part of our everyday life.
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