We all have areas of our lives that don’t function very well. If our car windows do not roll down, we take the car to the shop and get it fixed. However, when areas of our personal life are not functioning very well, we first try denial. When that doesn’t work, we are forced to admit that there is a problem. The normal response is to blame bad luck, the weather, or our spouse. Denial and blame protect our egos, but they also prevent solving the problem. How hard are we going to work on a problem that doesn’t exist, or is someone else’s fault? The question is, “What works to make our personal lives function better?”
It took me way too many years, and a lot of personal development work to finally take ownership of my part in EVERY failure. With a little practice, I soon discovered that I had indeed had some part in almost everything that went wrong. However, I still tended to minimize my own participation. (Trying to protect my ego, I assume.) As I progressively took more and more ownership of my errors, I found it easier and easier to identify the problem. I then found solutions that worked, so that I would no longer have to live that problem over again. There have been times when my life was a mess, and now it works well and I am happy. Problems still come up, but the time between having a problem and a finding a good working solution is often days shorter.
Learn the Lesson
I am not suggesting that you cause all your problems. Others lie, cheat and steal. But if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, or did not protect your boundaries, or were in the company of known trouble makers, you did contribute to the problem in ways that are preventable in the future. However, if you go to blaming the other person it is likely that you will fail to learn a valuable lesson from the experience.
What doesn’t work in your life? Have you taken responsibility for your part in the failure? Are you focusing on the solution and not denial or blame?
Jack Harwick is a retired, sucessful entrepreneur and an avid photographer who is intent on self improvement and creating a happy life.